It's been one year since we lost our first grand-baby.
He lived inside his mother for almost 5 months before higher powers decided that it was time for him to move on. His mother and father were both devastated. Before they knew that he existed they had chosen to be apart, to move away from a relationship that had become increasingly dysfunctional. They didn't have to recommit to each other once they knew that they were pregnant; they could have lived apart and parented separately the way many parents do. My son refused to live away from his child. His girlfriend refused to live away from her child. So together they chose to repair a relationship that they had already walked away from. They chose to move back in together. They chose to work hard in couples therapy so that when their baby was born he would not be born into chaos, anger and fighting.
In their therapy session, a whole new world opened up for them: a world of honest, open and clear communication. They worked hard every week for months, and the work was evident to those of us who watched from the outside as they grew and matured.
When they lost their baby, they named him Rowan and layed a special brick for him to commemorate his existence.
And they stayed together. And they grieved together. The loss of Rowan helped them, as if even in death, even after he had moved onto another place and another existence, he continued to impact their lives for the better.
Last weekend these two young people who came so close to being apart, and becoming parents too young made a new promise to each other. Vince proposed, Alexis accepted and they are now planning their life together. They are talking about where they want to live, where they want to raise the children they will have sometime in the future. They are planning for their marriage. It is clear that the wedding is secondary, and that the life is the priority. All because of Rowan.
Vince gave Alexis my grandmother's ring. The ring had been stripped of its diamonds many years ago; so Vince and I found a jeweler who could repair the damage and rebuild the ring for a new generation. We filled the holes with heirloom diamonds. It is now more beautiful than it ever was.
The jeweler liked the ring that I was wearing, the one that my husband had sculpted for me. She wanted to see more of his work. We brought her photos of his jewelry and sculpture, and one wire tree. She ordered six rings and 5 wire trees. So now my talented husband the artist is creating art. He was destined to do this, but because we walked into that particular jewelry store on that particular day, his destiny has become manifest.
He would not be sculpting if we hadn't walked into the jewelry store. We wouldn't have walked into the jewelry store if Vince didn't want to marry Alexis. Vince wouldn't be marrying Alexis if they hadn't work so hard to make their relationship work. They wouldn't have worked so hard to make their relationship work if they hadn't gotten pregnant.
Our lives have been impacted in incredible ways all because of the mere existence of our first grand-baby. His life was so important and so profound that he didn't need to live for a full five months inside of his mother in order to create a ripple affect that continues on. I am so grateful that we had him in our lives, even for the all too short time he was here. I am so sad that I never had a chance to hold him in my arms.
I am so grateful that I can hold him in my heart and see the gifts that he left us.
