I don't always do well with suspense or most forms of anticipation, really. If we are watching a particularly suspenseful show on TV, I often walk out of the room and return once the story-line tension is broken. I hate waiting to find out what will happen in my soaps, so I am a spoiler-finder-expert. If I am living with suspense too long in my regular life, my sleep patterns become fragmented, I am more and more edgy, and then the anxiety begins to rise until it results in a panic attack (or two, or more).
As a grown woman, I have certainly learned to live with some
And sometimes it's fun.
Right now, not so much.
The daughter has moved to Oregon; the son and soon-to-be-daughter-in-law have signed papers for their new home and will take possession either Friday or Monday. The hubby and I are taking one last trek to Ukiah to look for potential homes next week. With any luck, we will have our current house on the market in a few weeks.
The list of To-Do items is shrinking in an odd sort of way. Some items have been there for months, others come and go in a few hours, and of course there are always newer, smaller details, to add. The big, costly fixes are completed. Family photos are boxed as is anything we can live without for a few months. The deep cleaning, rearranging and staging has begun.
Anticipation is HIGH!
Two nights ago I was up awake all night, my mind pinging from one idea, one worry to the next, bobbing and weaving through the yawns. I tossed and turned, got up and stretched, went downstairs to sleep on the couch in the cool air next to an open window. Even though I wasn't checking the status of the homes we like online, I could see the pics in my mind's eye every time I closed my lids. Long term, this can be really bad for my health. I am in NO mood for another hospital stay. Something has to be done.
So, I'm trying some different things to help. I already walk every day. I already eat pretty well. What else? Last night I spend some time with guided meditation and a sleep aid; I slept through the night for the fist time in months. It was such a relief. Today I did some cleaning and some grading (I am still teaching summer school online). I'm trying to focus on the many tiny steps of the process, on the positive, on breathing. I'm trying to be in, and enjoy the moment.
Max is trying to show me how it's done.
