When given the choice, I always want to hear bad news first. It softens the ultimate blow, and even after hearing something I don't like, I know that I have something to look forward to.
So the Bad News:
The last 6 months have been heavily focused on finding a full-time tenure track teaching position at the community college level. Of all the applications packets I completed and sent off, none resulted in either an interview or a job offer. (I heard from the final one last week.) I sent a total of 6 out. That means six separate applications, supplemental questions, copies of my CV, letters of recommendation and transcripts. The average paper count was roughly 23 pages for each. As of now I do not have a full-time benefited job for fall.
Of the six schools, two rescinded their job openings. So in full there were only four true rejections. In all honesty the first three didn't bother me at all. After each I could easily see all the reasons why I didn't really want to work at that particular school or that particular district. It was very easy to look optimistically forward for the next potential school and interview.
The consequence of pushing disappointment aside for the first three rejections was that this last one really hurt. I pretty quickly fell into a metaphorical pit of despair (with no six-fingered man to watch over my suffering). Really old, old, icky feelings of worthlessness bubbled to the surface. My confidence level feel dramatically. I was embarrassed that my application packet could be so bad that no one wanted to meet me. Other feelings that I couldn't identify felt a lot like grief. I suppose in a way I was grieving the loss of the life I had imagined for myself at each one of these schools.
My wonderful husband consoled me with flowers dinner out. I couldn't bring myself to post my usual Facebook Job Hunt Update, so I waited. Then I discovered the good news.
The Good News
Now that the uncertainty of scheduling interviews and knowing which school to become an overnight expert about are no longer percolating under the surface of my thoughts every day, I feel revitalized.
I don't have to worry about a new commute, getting up to speed at a new campus, finding the primo parking spots or where the most reliable copiers reside. I don't have to learn a whole new set of course outlines, revamp my syllabi and struggle to make the books I like to teach fit into another curriculum.
I am really excited about teaching summer school at a college that I know and love. I am still employed part-time at two community colleges, so I do have work--work that I am very, very grateful to have. All the while I was putting together application packets I was also laying the ground work to make sure I have classes in the Fall at these schools. Although I only have two confirmed classes (when three or even four would be optimal) I can pretty clearly see more on the horizon. I have chosen a few new books for my classes, begun my reader for summer school and am well on my way to being very organized for the Fall.
And best of all I am excited about returning to my book project.
And yes, I realize that my initial reaction was really about old buttons and old issues. Logically I know that this is a lousy time to be looking for full-time teaching work. I was up against (literally) hundreds and hundreds of other applicants and that some of those colleges really wanted to hire from their adjunct pools.
So although I was initially disappointed, now I am quite relieved.
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